(not) just a little crush

talk about love

i saw you, that time,
walking in your unusual heavy steps,
walking like you had no direction
like you have nowhere to go

you looked up from the ground,
only have to lock it with mine.
that heated sun turns to windy morning,
'til it brought shivered through my bones.

your eyes seem lost
your face don't shine anymore
your steps didn't skip a beat
your smile,
lost its meaning
your mind, your heart,
it was out of nowhere,
somewhere i wouldn't be able to reach

then finally, you look away,
you aren't supposed to saw me there,
you aren't supposed to saw my glimmering eyes when i saw you there,
but you did anyway

then you disappear from my sight,
with your painful smile.

i don't know which one is worse,
looking at you being vulnerable for the first time,
or falling deeper from the hole  i am in.

that time,
i could feel the sting feelings in my eyes,
my own tears welled up,
i feel like to run to you,
hugging you from behind,
circled my hands around your waist,
whispering you sweet nothing,
telling something whats supposed to happened later,
if you're going to be just fine,

your orbs chocolate eyes will find their light,
your smile will linger on your pretty face,
               longer and wider than it used to,
your step will finally take you there,
the place where you belong,
where your effort would be payed off,
because baby,
you are worth all of the great things in this world.

that time,
i would be able to reach you
and tell you,
you are the star of my life.

then i took a notice,
just a little crush is not supposed to be like this,
like,
like a part of me being ripped off,
my heart was shattered,
i almost lost my grip

it was supposed to be simple,
i was only supposed to steal glances here and there,
i was only supposed to laugh at your not so lame jokes,
i was only supposed to look at your smile from my own space,
i was only supposed to adore you from an appropriate distance,
i was only supposed to like you,
nothing more,
without over-thinking everything.
it was supposed to be that simple.

but then,
i get drawn in your orbs dark chocolate eyes,
your smile makes me high,
your voice becomes addicting,
your laugh becomes the best sound i've ever heard,
i craved for your laugh.

i thought i would only like you for your bright self,
when you were at your happiest.
but i was so wrong,
i realized, through your breaking point,
your most fragile self,
that i adore you even more.

i realized,
in that spur of the moment,
if it wasn't that simple anymore.
without you even try,
i'm truly falling hopelessly in love with you.

- N.S(12/19)
ps. funny isn't it, when you watch the one you adore breaking, you feel your own world collapsed