same old, same news

i scared easily,
                      especially being attached to somebody
it doesn't mean i don't want to have somebody
i do have people i love and means a lot to me
                          i do want them
but every time i try to opened up to new people
i end up with running away
                    and push everyone away
this feels I've been holding, i don't know exact name is, for too long
i need to get it out
                   i have to get it out
what is wrong with me, did i lose the respect of humanity?
why do i feel dying inside?
that wasn't the worst part
the worst part is,
i don't want to feel intimate with somebody yet i don't want them to go away
i'm fucked up.